On Families, P.I.P and Nurturing Purposes (Genesis 15.1-12, Luke 13.31-34)
Families are funny things aren’t they? There are some
families that are very close, and others that are not. There are some people
who we would call chosen family aren’t there. Friends who aren’t blood
relations but we would consider like family.
My Uncle Jim and Auntie Jane are my Godparents, but they’re
not related to me. But, I called them Auntie and Uncle growing up. I’ve got
friends who I’m much closer to than my own family, mostly because of geography.
Lots of my family live very far away, and to be honest I haven’t seen that much
of them.
I think families are good, but I wonder what automatically
comes into our minds when we think about family? What’s fundamental to a good
family relationship? I think it’s nurture. Nurturing one another, our partners,
our cousins, our brothers and sisters, even sometimes our own parents. Encouragement
is the foundation of family life.
Sometimes though, I struggle with the word ‘family.’ As a Gay
man and as a single person I often watch things on telly, or the adverts for
the latest thing and feel totally excluded. Where do I fit in all of this? I
often feel excluded by the Church of England too. There’s this projection of
what the perfect family is. Mum, Dad, two kids, with a house and a driveway and
perhaps even a Spaniel or a Labrador (or maybe even a cat if you’re feeling
exotic). To be honest with you, and I’m being totally honest. I can’t think of
anything worse than having children. Honestly, I love waking up in the morning
to silence. I like having a lie in, and I’m pleased I don’t have to go to
swimming lessons, or gymnastics. Fatherhood is a calling, and it’s not mine.
I really like kids, I think they’re awesome, but when it
comes to sharing my life with them in that way, It’s not my cup of tea. It
feels refreshing to say that out loud, it’s okay not to want to have children,
and it’s okay not to have them.
There are some churches that present baring children as some
kind of divine imperative, but I just don’t see that in our modern context.
Those like myself who aren’t heteronormative. Those who don’t
want children, or who can’t have children. Those who are single, and are happy
that way. Those who perhaps have a partner who lives a long way away. Divorced
people, widowers who don’t feel like they can be married or be in a
relationship again. The list goes on and on, and I find it deeply distressing
that in some churches the only relationships that seem to be valued are the
nuclear family.
There is nothing wrong with the nuclear family, please don’t
think I’m having a go, although I would like to park in those special parking
spots for families at the supermarket… but there’s nothing wrong with
everything else too.
For those who don’t fit into that box of the nuclear family I
want to say that at this church we value you, we respect you, and we adore you.
So does God. We are all part of the rainbow tapestry that makes up God’s
family.
Chosen family is just as important as biological family.
Looking at our Old Testament reading, it’s clear that Abram
really, really wanted children and descendants. And in this dramatic Bible
passage we see that God makes a covenant with him, a special promise that he
will have what he most desires, children and a nation that will come after him.
This passage comes after Abram’s just fought with three kings
because they kidnapped his Nephew Lot.
What did you uncle do for you? Well he gave me a tenner in a
card at Christmas. What about yours?
Oh, just defeated three kings in battle, travelled all the
way to Dan and rescued me from Captivity. Pretty great Uncling there Abram! Has
your Uncle ever rescued you from capitivity? If not then he’s falling short of
Biblical unclehood…
This from Genesis 14.5 “5 During the
night Abram divided his men to attack them and he routed them, pursuing them as
far as Hobah, north of Damascus. 16 He recovered
all the goods and brought back his relative Lot and his possessions, together
with the women and the other people.”
Abram really had a deep trust in God. In Chapter 14, he
rejected taking plunder. Rather than place his hope in wealth taken by force,
Abram looks to God.
It’s this looking to God that he’s doling in our reading
today. From the end of Chapter 14:
22 But Abram said to the king of Sodom, ‘With raised hand I have
sworn an oath to the Lord, God Most High, Creator of heaven and
earth, 23 that I will accept nothing belonging to
you, not even a thread or the strap of a sandal, so that you will never be able
to say, “I made Abram rich.” 24 I will accept
nothing but what my men have eaten and the share that belongs to the men who
went with me – to Aner, Eshkol and Mamre. Let them have their share.’
Then we start our reading:
After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a
vision:
‘Do not be
afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,[a]
your very great reward.’[b]
This story
isn’t about children really, it’s about the nurturing promises of God and about
our place within it.
We are part of God’s chosen family. All of us can hear these words and
apply them to ourselves. Do not be afraid, I am your shield, I am your very
great reward.
God longs to gather his chosen family to him. She gathers us
under her wings like a mother hen. She is our shield and our very great reward.
Whether we have children or not, we are chosen and loved
since before the foundation of the world.
In our Bible reading Jesus weeps over Jerusalem. It’s because
of humanity’s inability to hear the message of God’s love, and God’s dignity
for all people.
Goodness starts nurture, good family relationships start with
nurture and building up those in need. A good society begins from a place of
compassion. I like many others this week have been concerned about the Govt’s
plans to cut Personal Independence Payments. This vital money is not an out of
work benefit, but helps our disabled siblings to cope with the extra costs of
being disabled in our society. It seems to me a cruel and unnecessary way of
clawing back, what in reality is not a great deal of money. What kind of
society do we as Christians want to help create? Do we want a society where
vulnerable people are shielded and protected?
Do we want a society like in Jesus’ time, in the Jerusalem he
knew that stoned the prophets and the vulnerable to death? Jesus weeps over
Jerusalem. Notice how Jesus’ response isn’t angry but a lament. It’s
compassionate and talks about God’s longing for her chosen family to accept
her, and accept Jesus.
We often treat the battles in our society as life and death
matters, where we’ve got to win or “all is lost for righteousness’ sake.”
But Jesus’ death has already brought the way to life,
regardless of where we are or what our family status is. Victory is ours no
matter what happens in the world.
The point is important, not as an excuse to withdraw from
engagement in the world around us, not to allow injustice or unnecessary
suffering, but to encourage and empower the engagement with the right
perspective on what victory is.
Victory comes in faithfully representing Jesus, not in
winning the argument or vote. Jesus’ own life is the model here. No level of
intimidation or rejection could keep him from completing his appointed rounds. “Go
tell that fox, ‘I will keep on driving out demons and healing people today and
tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.”
For me the word family is difficult. I’ve lost count of the
amount of times I’ve been asked where my wife is, and I often don’t know how to
respond.
Perhaps we as a society and a people need to reorientate the
way we are towards singleness and those who don’t fit the mould.
Perhaps we need to be more like Jesus who knew people and
accepted them the way they are, and who’s wrath and criticism was always more
towards the outwardly religious, to those who oppressed others, than those
branded ‘different’ by the society he lived in.
Jesus, the one we follow didn’t marry, and he didn’t have
children. He was a penniless itinerant preacher, who is the Son of God. He was
radical in what he did and said. He was compassionate in his responses and
loving to those around him.
God’s promises nurture us, as Jesus nurtured and forgave
those around him. Our job is to be the hands of nurture, of God’s delight in
all of us to our chosen family and beyond.
We don’t have to accept oppressive systems that make us all
the same, we don’t have to be married with children to receive God’s love. All
are welcome, all are loved. All are valued without question, and that’s what
Jesus wept over Jerusalem about, that we still live in a world where that’s not
the case.
Preached at St Luke's New Catton, Norwich
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